Expectations....

Started March 13,  finished March 26 (but not edited),  added to April 9,  edited May 8

So here it is again, the middle of the semester and I haven't written anything to keep you updated with my life here. To be honest, since Betsy went away in November up until now, it's been kind of rough, causing me to not really want to write. I apologize about that. Things are getting better and with the recent visitors, I really felt like I needed to share.

One thing that God has been teaching me over these last few months is to have less expectations. You would think I would know this by now because I have been in a place in the past that did not meet my expectations and I was quite disappointed. So much so that I wanted to give up everything to just get out of the situation. I was even in a different country and wanted to come home because my expectations weren't being met. It really was an awakening experience, because who, in their right mind, would want to leave a beautiful place they've never seen before because a few expectations weren't being met?? I did, until I realized that was foolish! But here I am, years later, still falling into that disappointment of unmet expectations. But isn't that just like us humans? Thinking we learned something, only to find out later that we really didn't learn anything and/or are troubled by it again...

I've said this a few times before but I keep being reminded how true it really is: It's amazing how people can have such an impact on your life in such a short amount of time. God seems to work through the people that He brings here to allow me to see and know Him more and the power that He has. When thought about, I am in awe. It just is greater proof that we really ARE a part of His family!

What's the reason I say that again, and how does expectations fit into that? From the 4th to the 12th of March, Lancaster Bible College was back for the second time. They were here last March and I was excited to hear they would be returning. Earlier this year we got word that the male leader wasn't going to be here this year because he got a new job. I was hopeful, though, that someone on the trip from last year would be returning, but when I got the list of names, I realized that the only person I would know would be the female leader. I was excited that I was going to see her, but I knew it was going to be different since none of the same people would be back. Even though I knew it would be different, I still had a few expectations. I didn't have many (or so I thought) but they were still there. It's hard not to when people from the same college, organization, group, etc, return.

Last year when they were here, I was in charge of making sure the work they were doing got done. Because of that experience, Betsy asked me to make some plans for them before they had arrived. In doing so, I made them according to the schedule they had last year [expectations]. But as it much often does, the schedule was changed before they even got here.

As we were preparing for them, and them preparing for here, we got news that the female leader wasn't going to be able to make it after all. There was a family health issue causing her to have to stay home. Which meant, we didn't know who was going to be leading the girls. This made me a bit apprehensive since there probably wasn't going to be anyone I knew on the trip. About 2 days before they arrived, we found out the girl's leader would be Denae, one of the girls from last year that has recently graduated. I was happy to know she would be returning. Yay for someone I knew! But with the knowledge of her return, my expectations continued.

With the schedule changing, as well as the female leader, even though I knew this one, I kept telling myself it wasn't going to be like last year. But I honestly didn't realize how many expectations I put on this year's team until closer to the end of the week, and even more now as I sit down to write this. Some of the expectations I had were: I thought I would be able to interact with everyone on the team like I did last year. I thought we'd hangout some playing games and just chatting in the evenings. I thought that more deep conversations would happen. Last year, I was able to connect with everyone on the team at some point or another throughout the week. This year, that just didn't happen because of different reasons.  

On Saturday, they were supposed to start work and Lora and I were to tag team leading them. I woke up not feeling well at all, causing me to be in bad half the day. Then on Monday, Betsy got sick and I had to be in her classroom for her. So, me helping to head up the team didn't happen. Which meant those one-on-one chats that happened last year didn't really occur either. The few deep conversations that did happen were mainly with the same people; most of them being with the guys rather than the girls. With my apartment being in the same building as them, conversations happened on the porch, or just in passing by, as well as some at meal times. And because of the circumstances listed above, interactions with many of the girls just didn't happen and I am sad they didn't. But still in just 9 short days, the impact that a few of the guys has made on my life is really something. I honestly can't get over it. It truly is amazing.

Back to the expectations. All throughout that week, God was telling me, "Stop with the expectations. That is how you become disappointed." Which was true. It happened before, and I'm sure will happen again... This team wasn't the same as last year. But I realized that was okay. They weren't made to be. They were both unique in their own way. And everyone, on both teams, was created to be special by our great God, bringing different talents and skills here. One team wasn't better than the other, they were just different. And I needed to stop expecting them to be the same.

March 26:  It's been two weeks since they've gone back to PA and I still feel like something is missing at times. There are still times I sit on my porch expecting to see or hear them. At times, I still walk into the cafeteria expecting it to be full of people. And even though I didn't get to talk with some of the girls much, their laughter and joy really are missed. I enjoyed watching them interact with one another, and I loved seeing their smiles. They are missed today just as much as the guys.

I will leave you with something one of them said the last night they were here, "This is all because of Jesus. The deep conversations, the reason to come here, the relationships that were made. It's all because of Jesus." How true is that?! If it weren't for Jesus, how would have that week went? If it weren't for Jesus, the close connections that some of us made would most likely not be there. If it weren't for Jesus, some of the team members wouldn't have influenced my life as much. And because of Jesus, we all belong to the same family, the same Father. Even though I miss them, I know I will see all of them someday in Heaven! We will be able to praise Him together for eternity! SO exciting!!

I am grateful for the impression this team had on me - grateful to them and to God - even if my expectations weren't met! ;) 

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April 9: Since then, things have slowly gotten back to normal... well, kind of. This semester, we started Yajaira out kind of like a work study-she worked during the day and had classes at night. Before we took the girls home for Easter, she asked if she could come back to school as a student. Betsy agreed which has led me to be her teacher for reading and math. So last week, after Easter break, I started teaching everyday in the mornings, where as before, I was only teaching a few days a week. I guess I didn't tell you how that changed either...

Well, over Christmas break, my mom and I were in a car accident. Nothing too terribly wrong with us, but because of some injuries, I didn't make it back here until close to the end of January. School started on Jan 12, and because I wasn't here, Abby, a Jr. missionary for this semester, was asked to teach reading while I was gone. When I came back, I was given the option to teach Math, because Tess was doing both teaching and office work, or teach my one class of reading, help out in Betsy's class the other times, and then help out in the dorm. I opted for the latter, which freed me up to be able to teach Yajaira now. (Not. expected. at. all. Nothing in this paragraph! ;-) )

So now I teach her 2 classes in the morning, and every other day, I still do my reading class with Larimar and Mizael. So, I've been busy trying to figure out what she needs to learn, as well as how I can teach her to learn it. Things in the past that she should already know, she has forgotten, so I'm having to teach her those things again. And I also have one night of dorm duty during the week, and a shift on the weekends when the girls are here. Now, I'm adjusting to this schedule and the challenges it brings. But God is so good to me. His blessings are ever so near every day, and I praise Him for them.

Things to pray for:

~Recently, there has been quite a few mentions of deaf children in a few different places on the island. We are trying to be in contact with them to let them know about the school and the services we provide. Please pray that God's will would be done in these situations.

~Since the end of March, a young Deaf mother and her 3 young children have been coming to the school off and on for a few hours a day. Pray as we figure out what is best for them all.

~With those 2 things in mind, pray for more teachers/staff to serve here. If all these students were to come here next year, more teachers and staff will be needed to fulfill the different duties here.

~Transitions- quite a few people will be leaving this year/semester. So pray for all of us as we each go back to our hometowns, new places God has called us to, or stay here to continue His work at the school. Pray for people to come fulfill the duties of those that are leaving.

Thank you for stopping by, and I am sorry once again this is so late. It's always so BUSY! BUSY! BUSY! And I tend to be one that has to edit my writings a million times before posting. And because it was a while ago that I started it, I felt like I kept having to add more to make it up to date. Well, I finally said "That's it!" and decided to edit and post it! Hope you enjoy!

Father God, thank You for the ways You remind me of Your love and presence. Thank You for the people You bring in and out of my life while I am here. I am blessed by them. Thank You for Your lessons and how You teach me through various things. You never fail, and I am so grateful for that. Thank You for Your love. I praise You, Amen.